Dating Advice: Change Your Mind, Change Your Love Life

Excerpt : My 11-year-old daughter and I recently went to see The Devil Wears Prada . She's a big fan of Anne Hathaway, the young actress who starred in The Princess Diaries , and she's increasingly

My 11-year-old daughter and I recently went to see The Devil Wears Prada. She's a big fan of Anne Hathaway, the young actress who starred in The Princess Diaries, and she's increasingly passionate about fashion.

The movie dazzled us with gorgeous clothes, fabulous makeup, and glamorous locations in New York and Paris. But, while my little girl liked the plot, I found it troubling. The movie's message? If you're a woman, you can't have personal and professional success at the same time.

In other words, if you do too well at your job, your boyfriend will dump you.

In the story, Meryl Streep's accomplished character, Miranda, loses her third husband to divorce. Miranda's assistant, Andy, played by Hathaway, finds that her friends and boyfriend abandon her as soon as she starts getting respect at work.

The "you can't have it all" message to women is as old as time.

What does this have to do with you? Well, if you desire a happy relationship and a career but always end up with just one or the other, you can bet this nefarious message has firmly lodged itself in your subconscious.

I recently heard a savvy business owner (and happily married woman) say, "Ninety-seven percent of the decisions you think you're making are actually made for you. Your subconscious makes the decisions."

Please do not discount the gravity of this statement. Your subconscious absorbs messages from the media, your parents, and other influences, and then it acts upon them. It creates your destiny.

With a little effort, you can root those nasty messages out of your subconscious by examining your beliefs about relationships, as well as your ability to attract and keep one that's supportive, happy, and drama-free.

For example, do you believe that you can be successful on all fronts in your life, or in just one

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or two? If you make too much money, will you turn off potential suitors? Are relationships hard? Do they involve a lot of "work"? Will you have to compete in a relationship? Will you have to suppress your dreams in order to help a man achieve his?

Once you identify the limiting beliefs you've developed, you can replace them with new ones. For instance, if you believe it's impossible to have a joyful marriage and successful career at the same time, bring to mind a friend or a famous person who actually has them (the beautiful and talented Miss Meryl Streep, for instance).

Then write an affirmation to support your new belief:

"I am happily married loyal, loving, reliable, fun man, and I'm wildly successful in my career as a ____________."

Repeat the affirmation in the shower. Write it 25 times a day. Say it out loud before you fall asleep at night. Keep this up for 30 days, at the very least. Eventually, you will feel a shift within yourself.

And then watch out. Once things on the inside change, the outside will, too: Your career and love life will seem to magically come together!

As for my daughter, I can't intercept every negative message she receives, but I can help her to be aware of them. We had a discussion about the message in The Devil Wears Prada. I told her not to believe it. I want this girl to "have it all."

And if she believes she can, she will. Author Napoleon Hill said it best: "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com. Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com.

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