Dating Deal-Breakers -- The Insurmountable Obstacles

Excerpt : Children The issue of children can be an extremely divisive one in relationship terms; in an age where we no longer have the imperative to reproduce frantically in order to ensure the survival of the

Children – The issue of children can be an extremely divisive one in relationship terms; in an age where we no longer have the imperative to reproduce frantically in order to ensure the survival of the species, many people take the decision not to have children for one reason or another; others may feel that procreating is necessary in order to make their lives complete. It is easy to see how this could translate into a serious relationship mishap, a union between a person with strong instincts towards parenthood and another whose mind is made up to remain childless is unlikely to be successful in the long term. This is particularly an issue if you already have children from a previous relationship; not to say that you are doomed to single parenthood by this, but it is a fairly non-negotiable state of affairs. If your potential partner adamantly does not want children and you already have them (unless, of course, they've grown up and left home), you may find this difficult to surmount.

Lying – A good, solid relationship is built on a firm foundation of trust. Everyone wants their partner to be honest with them (although definitions and standards of honesty may vary), and most importantly needs to be able to put their trust in someone. If you've arranged a first date via an online dating agency or personal ad and, when you turn up to the venue you're ten years younger or twenty stone heavier than you stated in your ad or than your picture showed, then you are probably not on to a good thing. Sure, your date might be able to get over the difference of expectations, but this type of behaviour does not bode well for future of your

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Religion – Again, like the issue of children, being religious does not preclude being successful in dating, but it is another thing that can be key to the success or failure of a relationship. The first major stumbling block is that many religions require members to only marry within their own religious group, although depending on your level of orthodoxy it may be possible to overcome this and many, many couples of mixed religion have maintained highly successful relationships. Many people, however, are actively anti-religious, believing that religious teachings are a crutch for the mentally or spiritually weak, and that organised religion is responsible for a large portion of the World's ills. A person with such beliefs is unlikely to get on particularly well with a person of devout faith. Another issue could be that a non-religious (as opposed to anti-religious) person may well be nervous about getting involved with someone strongly devout for fear of being preached to or looked on as a subject for conversion.

Of course, characterising these things as insurmountable obstacles is a vast generalisation, as every incurable romantic knows, true love conquers all and, in any case, couples who are serious about making a relationship work should be prepared to compromise in some things from both sides. Bearing these things in mind however, and being upfront and honest from the start about what is and isn't subject to compromise can only be a good thing in the context of a burgeoning relationship.

Croydon J Hounslow works for a top dating and chat site in the UK

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