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Dating in the Online ArenaExcerpt : Is it possible to find love online? I didn't think so at one time, now I'm cautiously optimistic. As a woman in my thirties, reentering the dating scene after years of marriage, the new dating arena My main concern was that it is easier for a person to misrepresent himself online. You don't have a way to validate whether the description or photograph the person shares are factual. You must take a leap of faith from the very beginning, something I was hesitant to do. Despite my doubts, I shoved these concerns to the side and took the steps necessary to set up an online dating profile. I joined Match.com with high hopes and low expectations. I signed up hoping for a match, as were the other participants on the site, but not really expecting to find one. I filled out my questionnaire, carefully considering each answer. I was striving for the right mix of humorous and serious responses. I didn't want to appear flippant, nor did I want to appear desperate! The tide of emails came in waves, overwhelming me with their sheer number. I couldn't possibly respond to all of them! Luckily I was able to weed out several with a glance. Some people were just looking for a quick fling, something I wasn't interested in entertaining. Others were older or younger than I requested, another quick decision. The remainder weren't so clear cut. I read the emails, viewed the owner's profile, and emailed him back if I could think of something to say. Within a couple weeks, I was limiting my emails to one person. He seemed like everything I wanted. His profile described a well-rounded individual with interests similar to my own. He made it past the initial checks; we were able to converse freely via email and eventually moved the conversations to the phone. Those conversations went well also, so we made a date to meet in person. One date led to another and eventually we became a
couple. I was happy. He was everything I wanted! A couple months into the relationship, I decided it was love. We were an attractive couple. We both liked sports and well... the rest would come. A couple months later, it was obvious he wasn't as well-rounded as I believed. He was very set in his routines and any deterrent from this was unwelcome. I had a hard time giving up my illusion of the perfect man so it took a while for me to end the relationship. I took a break from dating at that point, convinced I wouldn't be able to trust another online experience. After a month or so, I was able to come to terms with the fact that most of the problem was mine, not the guy's. I wanted to believe he was the perfect man. I overlooked the signs of failure because he looked perfect for me on paper. I didn't take the time to really get to know him before I decided he was the one. I was in love with the idea of being in love. With this knowledge, I decided to give online dating another shot. I reviewed my profile, making changes to ensure I was as honest as possible. I didn't try to hide my flaws, instead I embraced them. I got another slew of responses, some good, others trash. I emailed a few people, making sure I asked questions and really paid attention to the responses instead of seeing only what I wanted to see. I met another man and we decided to meet in person after a few phone calls filled with laughter. I've been dating Mike for over a year now. I don't know if he's "the one," but he's become a wonderful friend. We make time to spend together, selecting activities we both enjoy. We also have our individual interests and make time for those as well. I am enjoying getting to know him. It takes time to truly know another person. You can't determine who is a perfect match based on a profile. People have many facets, most of which can't be seen online. Inflections in voice and body language add a whole new aspect to the relationship, bringing a couple closer together or helping them realize that it can't go any further. Many matches are made online, but relationships flourish in person. About the author: Sonia is an author and editor of the Romance/Love newsletter on Writing.Com.
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