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Perfection Won't Keep You Warm at Night - Dating Advice for WomenExcerpt : After teaching a class one night, I ran into Barbara (who is single and 45)in the hallway. We exchanged surprised hellos and then she asked me what I was doing there. I replied, I just taught a class After teaching a class one night, I ran into Barbara (who is single and 45)in the hallway. We exchanged surprised hellos and then she asked me what I was doing there. I replied, “I just taught a class called 'It’s Never Too Late To Meet Mr. Right!'" Barbara rolled her eyes and exclaimed angrily, “There’s no such thing as Mr. Right!" At first I was shocked because I don’t usually get that response. But, it was an honest, heartfelt comment. We took a couple of minutes to talk about what we each meant and then things started to become clear. Barbara’s definition of Mr. Right is a man who is perfect, which explained why her reply was so emphatic. Mr. Right Isn't Mr. Perfect I don’t mean to imply that when you find Mr. Right he’ll be perfect. The truth is, nobody’s perfect including you and me. The intent here is that you’ll find the right man for you, not a perfect man. Someone who has a good mix of the qualities and an appreciation for the person you are, to create the magical bond that is love. However, if you're like Barbara, searching for love with a vision of Mr. Perfect, I can only imagine the level of frustration you must be feeling. He has to be good looking, have a great sense of humor, be social, really smart, very successful, sensitive yet strong, emotionally available and stable, thoughtful, sexy, sweet, etc. Whew, that’s a tall order! Know What You Want in a Partner As part of my coaching work with men and women, I recommend developing a list of the qualities you want in a partner. It’s difficult to know if you have found the "one," if you don’t know the qualities you’re seeking. I also encourage culling the list down to the top five essentials, the qualities that you can’t live without. Discernment is an important part of courtship and this process provides a benchmark for your suitors. However, the likelihood that you’ll find a man with every single characteristic is slim. The top five are suggested to keep you realistic and focused on what’s most important about your potential partner. You may find someone who has many of the qualities you desire, but expecting
perfection is really a great way to stay single. If you find that you use your standards as rationale for rejecting every prospect, this may be evidence that you aren’t as ready for a relationship as you think. As you meet people, I hope you’ll loosen up on perfection and consider more prospects. It’s so easy to spend time judging each guy against every list item, but it’s better to focus on how he does against your essentials. For example, can you simply connect, have a good conversation and some fun? Ask yourself: • Does he make me smile? Your list isn’t intended to be a stringent measuring stick, but rather, a guideline to ensure your basic needs are covered and to recognize what will make you happy. That’s a very big difference. Look for a person’s good points. The more you can appreciate the men you meet and see their positive traits, the more quality men you are likely to come across. Don’t settle or lower your standards, but give men a chance by getting to know more of them. Notice What Is Good As you survey the room at the next singles’ event, practice acknowledging what is good. Most people are naturally adept at seeing what isn’t right. Noticing the positive will open your heart and mind to the abundance of great guys all around you. Let go of perfection and increase your chances for finding a good partner who will satisfy your top five list, add to your life, keep you warm at night, and make you happy over the long run. Visit http://www.NeverTooLate.biz for savvy dating strategies to help you find the love you want and deserve. You can subscribe to the f*r*e*e bi-weekly newsletter Kiss & Tell and check out the book MANifesting Mr. Right: It’s Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want by Dating Coach and expert Ronnie Ann Ryan. Visit http://www.ManifestingMrRight.com
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