What You Need to Know About Dating

Excerpt : DATING Let’s talk about one of my favorite topics Dating. First dates are necessary evil in the lives of singles. Dating relationships can be a fun and exciting part of your life and also the worst.

DATING

Let’s talk about one of my favorite topics Dating. First dates are necessary evil in the lives of singles. Dating relationships can be a fun and exciting part of your life and also the worst. They can also be confusing, especially if dating is new to you. Once you know that the person that you like also feel the same way about you, you may be unsure of what to do next. Great dating advice is often hidden amongst array of bad dating advices. You can start by learning about what makes a dating relationship healthy and safe.

OVERCOMING YOUR FEARS

It is very essential for you to be fearless and confident at the time of your first dating. Fear is to be afraid of something. It is a sign of reluctance and discomfiture. It makes you appear less attractive and tremulous in your conduct. It makes you feel that something bad is going to happen. The fear, which you sense from within, is in fact the fear of being rejected and if you are unable to control your anxiety then it is very likely that your fear can become a reality. Don’t let you fears get to you.

Fear hampers your open attitude and brings about a restriction in your way of interacting with your date. If you let your fears get to you, it will control your self-esteem, which isn’t good. In the process you miss a golden opportunity in life. Every individual aspires for intense love, extreme likeness, pure attraction and simultaneously feels afraid of losing these emotional treasures of life. Thus, it is extremely important for you to be confident and overcome the terror of being abandoned. Every time you catch yourself in this situation think and focus on something that makes you happy or something that you would like to do to change your life for the better. If you keep doing this exercise you will train your mind to overcome your fear. Remember, confident is all and what you need.

There are some Dos and Don’ts in every relationship. Here are some of them:

DOS

1. BE YOURSELF: "Be your best self." This is not the time to admit to all the vulnerabilities and insecurities that regularly beset you. Be who you are and not someone you are not or trying to be. The best you is always what’s inside your heart and not what people see on the outside. If you are funny, be funny, if you are the serious type, be the serious type because there’s someone out there who will like you for who you are. Don’t try to crack a joke and end up being the big joke instead. Trot out the tried-and-true tales that showcase your sweet and sparkling personality.

2. BE A GOOD LISTENER: Everybody loves to be heard. If you are a good listener, this might give you a good start. If you listen very carefully, you might get something from the conversation that can let you know exactly whom you are with. It tells you if a person boasts, if he is a talkative, if he’s nice, if he’s down to earth. Listen and don’t daydream about his cute eyes or sexy smile. If the person talks about how the thing that gives life meaning for him/her is being involved in a love relationship -- well, isn't that good info to know?

3. TRY TO HAVE FUN: Your life does not hang in the balance. It's just a date. All you're really doing is hanging out for a few hours with a new acquaintance. Lighten up and enjoy the time. Relax and just try to make the best of it.

DON'T

1. PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT: like I said earlier, be your self and don’t pretend to be someone else. If you like some certain things and your date doesn’t, don’t pretend to like the thing, tell him/her you don’t like it and they will try to adapt to it. If you don’t like some certain things about you date’s behavior, tell them continuously and if they don’t change, move on and don’t try to stress your self over them. Remember it’s a first date. If you really like the person and the person likes you back, you can try to adapt but if it’s a bad and negative behavior, I’ll advice you to move on. The truth will always out eventually - sooner is truly better than later.

2. DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH: No one likes to see you get loose before they even get to know you. Please don’t drink too much. It’s a bad sign for you to get drunk on a first date. It shows you’re not self-disciplined. Have a little or none at all. People loose themselves when they get drunk and end up doing what they didn’t plan on doing. If the date sucks, then drink when you get home!

3. LEAVE YOUR DATE HANGING: If you'd like to see your date again, say, "I had a great time. The time really flew." Mention that you're having fun and tell them some things you really like about the date.Yes, you can kiss him goodnight on the cheeks and not on the lips and don't act desperate to set up a second date on the spot. If the first date is all she/him wrote for you, say, "It was a pleasure meeting you. All the best." Don't dilute the message by engaging in kissy-kissy.

4. MAKE A SNAP JUDGMENT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS TOWARD YOUR DATE: Unless he's a total boor or potential nutcase, give him or her another try or two before writing him/her off. First impressions are not always right you know. Your date might be shy and nervous to express their feelings freely. Put your self in their shoes, you wouldn’t want them to have a quick judgment on you. Rush to first date judgment and you'll have lots and lots of time to regret the hasty rejection of someone who might have been the love of your life.

5. DON'T TALK ABOUT YOURSELF TOO MUCH: It's true that one of the best ways you can get some one to pay attention to you is to ask them lots of questions about themselves. It's amazing how well this works. Yet when you're nervous, you might have a tendency to babble on about your life endlessly, as you don't have to think that much to pull that information out of your head. And of course, we all know not to do this when we think about it. Avoid discussions of deep feelings and past girlfriends/boyfriends. Don’t talk about your past ex-girlfriends/boyfriends and how bitter, selfish, man-hating crones they were. It’s not a good sign. Look ahead and try to stay focused on the future and not the past.

6. DON'T WEAR SOMETHING YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE IN: If your outfit is too long, too short, dirty, smelly, tight, rumpled etc you know you are not going to feel comfortable in it. Wear something nice and comfortable. Good dressing tells a lot about people. For a girl, wear something less reviling and decent. For a guy, wear something comfortable and well ironed. Nobody wants to look stupid on his or her first date. Plan or choose the outfit you want to wear and make time for your dressing up. You won’t want to dress up at the last minute and end up wearing something awful. Ask for help if you need one.

AFTER FIRST DATES

After few days of dating, you feel really confused. Your behaviors are unnatural and your feelings are unexplainable. Your symptoms and behaviors give others an impression that you are madly in love. Before your first date you may panic a lot thinking that things may not turn out positive for you. However, after your date is over, you are quite surprised to find that things did really turn out well. You are new to the world of dating, take your time and let your parents or an elderly person know about your dates. They can give you some advice on what to do and how to do it. I’m sure you are saying “ARE YOU CRAZY!!!” I’m not and I’m really serious about this. Your parents are old enough and have been through all what you are going through. Like they say “ BEEN THERE, DONE THAT” so don’t be shy. Parents have a way of sensing danger. They might be right when they tell you that your date isn’t right for you. Take time and listen to what they are telling you and don’t ignore their opinions.

This is the time for you to decide whether you are to treat your relationship officially or you need some more time to reach to a definite conclusion. However, a person who has been successful in his first dating feels great. The person feels profoundly happy to receive the kind of attention, which he/she has been seeking for. Once the relationship is confirmed you must think positively and prevent any sort of harmful feeling of insecurity in life.

DATING SKILLS FOR MEN

· Don't lie. Never lie. NEVER. It’s OK for one night. You lie thru your teeth to be interesting. Great! You get the second date. Now you have to be consistent with all the lies you told on your first date. Tricky. Five dates later you have to revise for two days before each date.

· Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Your date might like this other person. She'll call this

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other person, she'll come to see this other person, and she might even sleep with this other person. But when she says F*** YOU, she'll be saying it to you not the other person.

· Never surprise your date with a movie, meal etc on the first date. Not until you've got some vague idea of her likes and dislikes. Putting a poor unsuspecting girl thru 'Meatslayer And The Wartoids From The Planet Soft Porn' is not a good idea.

· A sense of humor (refined if possible) is your best ally. Women like someone that makes them laugh.

· Clean nails. VITAL.

· Don't lie to anyone else about the date and what happened. It always goes horribly wrong.

DATING SKILLS FOR WOMEN

· Be on time. Unpunctuality is a fault with *no* redeeming features. (However, if your date is late, don't let it spoil the evening -- remain pleasant!)

· Wear something that makes you feel pretty -- an outfit that's proved itself, with comfortable shoes.

· Tell yourself you're not nervous, just excited.

· Read a newspaper or watch news program that day so you'll have something to talk about and sound as if you know what's happening in the world.

· If you can begin with the exchange of warm relaxed smiles, you have a lot going for you.

· Be open -- to him, his plans, and the shape the evening takes.

· Use every opportunity to be observant, sensitive, perceptive, and appreciative of what your date does or may have done.

· If something embarrassing happens, "confess" so that you can both laugh over it.

· If you're having a good time, let him know it.

· Call him because you've just heard something that he'd love to know about, a joke on a favorite subject, or a piece of news relating to one of his heroes. He will feel that you two are really on the same beam, and it will encourage him to think of you when *he* has news he wants to share with someone.

· Be busy. Projects of your own make for much more interesting discussion than last night's TV program.

Caring about each other more than petty victories is the essence of positive loving. Equality is not measured by a single act.

GOOD PLACES FOR A FIRST DATE

Museums

At a museum, you get to meander through the halls, look at exhibits, and chat about anything that inspires you. It's a great place to get to know each other and to see each other's tastes in art - or whatever. Also, most museums are usually easy to get to and offer a place to eat. A museum is relaxed, easy and inexpensive.

Amusement Park

Unless it's really hard to get to, going to an amusement park is usually fun and makes everybody feel young and carefree. The only problems are Sticky fingers from cotton candy and rides that make you so queasy.

Walks

You can walk (almost) anywhere, parks, zoos, botanical gardens and so on. It's cheap fun and pressure-free.

Outdoor Activities in General

Sporting events, concerts and picnics are great places for first dates. You can talk, and being outside, everything feels less claustrophobic. It's easy and relaxed and clothing usually isn't a problem

PLACES TO AVOID DURING FIRST DATE

Wedding

Going to a wedding as a first date violates just about every single one of the basic rules, which listed earlier. Don't you think there are a lot of competitors around?

New Year's Eve Party.

Scariest night of the year for a first date. New clothes, high expectations, and lots of booze, noisy ... it is very hard for both of you to communicate.

Movies.

Going to the movies doesn't give you much of an opportunity to talk and if your tastes differ, you may have a hard time finding a movie that pleases you both. On the other hand, having seen the same movie gives you something to talk about afterward.

PLACES TO MEET NEW PEOPLE

Meeting new people doesn’t have to involve a conscious effort. Just participating in activities you enjoy or running daily errands can lead to meeting new people without even trying. Of course, if your favorite activity is watching television it is unlikely that this will lead you to meeting new people unless you watch television in a public place instead of your home. Anytime you are out in public you are bound to meet new people without even trying.

Just going about your everyday activities may result in you meeting new people without even trying. Most of the activities, including errands that you normally engage in are wonderful opportunities for meeting new people. The key though is to be approachable or you may wind up missing these opportunities. Sometimes, all it may take is a hello to get a conversation started and sometimes you may need to dig a little deeper and ask some thought provoking questions of yourself and the other person to really form a relationship. Errand may result in you meeting new people without even trying is taking a trip to a bank. You will most likely encounter long lines and a significant wait. Rather than keeping to yourself, speak to those around you and you may find yourself meeting new people without even trying. While the long lines may annoy many people, many others will be thankful for your starting a conversation because it offers them a distraction and a way to pass the time.

Churches

Attending religious services is another way to meet new people without even trying. At the start of many religious services the attendees are invited to greet those sitting around them. Most people simply offer a friendly hello but you are certainly welcome to introduce yourself and offer some basic information about yourself. If your neighbor responds affirmatively and offers additional information you can take this as an indication that they may be willing to begin a relationship. You may wait until the conclusion of the service and then ask the person if they would like to continue the conversation you started over a cup of coffee.

Clubs

Joining a club is another way to meet people without even trying. If you enjoy biking, try joining a club that meets for weekly cycling rides. There may be regulars on these rides and getting involved will lead to you meeting these people. Additionally there will probably be at least a few new people every week so you will be meeting new people just about every week.

Charity Work

Another way to meet new people without even trying is to volunteer for a charitable cause that you support. Your volunteer effort will put you in contact with like-minded individuals who share your passion for the cause. As anyone who has ever volunteered can attest, it is virtually impossible to not be pulled into many aspects of the volunteer effort. As you become more involved you will likely end up serving on different committees and meeting new people without even trying.

GROCERY-SHOPS

A weekly grocery-shopping trip can lead to meeting new people without even trying. Even this mundane chore gives you the opportunity to meet new people. Even if you shop in the middle of the night you are likely to not be the only person in the store and can wind up meeting someone new. You may be the only customer in the store but surely there will be store employees present. The cashier may strike up a casual relationship while they are ringing up your order and this could lead to the effortless start of a relationship with someone new.

INTERNET DATING

This is a way of meeting new people; it takes out all your shyness because you don’t have to see the person on your first meeting. It gives you the opportunity to say all what you want to say without been shy. The person you are talking to doesn’t have to see you emotions and you can be very confident in your self and say all what you have in mind.

THE ROLE OF FLOWERS IN DATING

Flowers look, smell and inspire lofty feelings in people and hence play a part central to the entire happenings in a dating relationship. Men like to present women with dainty flowers and women love to receive them. There is an underlying significance to this apparent gifting of flowers. Women accept flowers because they are by nature as tender as flowers and love to be remembered and cherished. Men make gifts of flowers because they esteem their ladylove (date).

Flowers are for all occasions – whether her birthday or the day she passes her exams, Valentine’s Day or the days she gets her new job. However, you ought to choose the colors according to the occasion.

Choices are many – daisy, daffodil, rose, tulip, and many more! Enquiring into your lady’s likings will help you make the best pick.

Buky Adebiyi

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